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Submitted: August 3, 2001
Image Size: 193 KB
Resolution: 1152×870

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p - o - n - d - e - rby ~ramdom

Customization / Wallpaper / Landscapes & Scenery

~

The Trampled Present ( a toast)

Now: the deepest words.

now the grave speech
of the gravest speech
carves a monument to the
memory of wine.

(words lost,

buried)

how the heart deciphers
the call of the dream-state
where all hints and unearthings
converge.

we raise our mercury glasses
and spill our gut-wrenching sobs
to the weeping willow reaching for
our hearts from beyond the pane.

the rain never comes
and the drought of tears
never flow.

(whispers: the smell of hair.)

oblivion is more deep
than the shallowest grave.
who subdues the forgotten?

(forms the bubble of our eyes)

quiet substance,
abuse of toasting alone
to the souls who mattered
in their instance.

(dancing further away)

only.
and never beyond.

the now.
(and then.)

.forever

__________
©ramedland aug2001

~

~-mya- Jul 3, 2002

kinda blurry but very promising!!! love it!

`limnersphere Nov 12, 2001

Wonderful! Someone who uses not only the words to convey, but also integrates the form/structure into the poem to complete the full puzzle. The first four line stanza contains the word grave, which is followed by:

(words lost,

buried)
This itself is physically buried within the poem.

You also search for words to convey a triple layered meaning, that play on the senses, and also bring form to the structure of the poem. It shows a careful calculating mind.

Can you tell I am more excited about critiqueing the poem then the WP?

~sumalangitnawa Aug 5, 2001

i was wondering:
does the present really have anything to do with the future?
what is wine now
what is it's taste tomorrow
yesterday - is gone? is that why we remember the bittersweet?

[i'm gonna leave before i implode]

~locussolus Aug 3, 2001

the poem is great. the art is great. id have to stare and think for a long time to get the connection right. i get hints of it, maybe im halfway there. ill have to come back, right now my brain is half empty.

°jsenn Aug 3, 2001

You do this you know...put secondary, major, minor meaning in each and every word you write. I write like this sometimes...no, not like this, not in this elegance, but with secondary, major and minor meanings. I don't always see it though until it's finished, and I "ponder" over it a few days. I would like to know if you see it when you write it or is this subconsciously done. From the very first word, "Now:" you do this, capitalized, followed by a colon, making us think about what now means.

It's not the grave speech but the gravest speech, "(words lost *skip a line* buried)" and we know the words weren't lost, but unspoken, buried. Then you said, "how the heart deciphers" and that made me jump because all of this is true, not only for 'this heart' of whom you speak but for 'my heart' and 'the heart' that listens to these words. "The call" (hints), mercury glasses, gut-wrenching sobs......I had to leave this poem at this point because I know what it means to write words like 'gut-wrenching sobs.'

returned: Oh gosh, you are too amazing. I noticed this is a wallpaper submission, so I place this full screen and within this image is light and shadow and reflection and double images as if you are saying "there are major and minor and secondary meanings here......

Yes, "Ponder, the glimpse, the view, the sight, the sense." You simply amaze me.

♥ joy ♥

~kimiko Aug 3, 2001

Tis a damn fine poem, even if in my current state of half-awakeness I didn't understand a word of it oO. From what I did manage to figure out, I think it suits the theme of the WP quite well, and the WP itself is rather cool looking too. The different shades of orange, brown and yellow contrast nicely with the darker tones, and the text adds a nice touch and helps to convey what it's about really well too.

Wow, I think that might have actually made some sense oO

[Kimiko]

I am lost in my own mind
...are you?
http://www.sekishoku.f2s.com

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